Who here is familiar with NaNoWriMo? To those who aren't, I'll tell you. It means National Novel Writing Month. That month is over now. I was told about it in October. So, I looked it up to know that it was an online event. I couldn't read the rules, though. I had a month to write a fifty-thousand-word story. I thought that I couldn't do it. I would have been cheating if I used something already written or in progress. How could I have a fresh idea for a novel just pour out?
Next, does "Christabel" ring any bells? I'm talking about an old narrative poem by Samuel Etheridge (I think that's the name). I read it only once, and months ago. Of course, I couldn't understand it. I doubt it had real ending either. There's a reference to it in Nightwish's "Beauty of the Beast", at its end. Here it is:
"Oh, sweet Christabel
Share with me your poem
For I know now
I'm a puppet on this silent stage show
I'm but a poet who failed his best play
A dead boy
Who failed to write an ending to each of his poems"
I'm afraid of ending up like that. I'm afraid of failing to fulfill my dream. I have my website but I don't know if anyone bothers to go on there. I loved my story of Spyro when writing it. I enjoyed writing my fanfiction of "Wolf's Rain". I was brave enough to write something I wouldn't have. Now I have a riddle: Which makes a writer happier? The progress of writing a story, or finishing the progress?
I have a confession as well. There was this gift that I made for Mirjam. A drawing of a character she created, which is an animal of a class that she created. I never drew it before, but I was afraid that my result would be hateable. I was afraid of turning her lovely creature into an abomination. I would have sent her a letter saying that, but refrained to spare her possible pain. Even though she actually liked the drawing, I didn't. I thought that I should be happy, but I wasn't. There's another thing. At that time, I had just finished "The World of Imaginaerum". I refused to consider it a fanfic even though the folders of the groups where I posted them consider it that. I wasn't happy later on. Maybe I was just disappointed by the lack of views. I only joined so many groups so I'd get more views. I remove pieces from my messages before reading or viewing, except for those of people I watch. So, why would no one turn my work down?
All my work, everything I keep in notebooks and on loose papers and my computer--they're all just things of the past.